Ramen with Chile Sauce

The other day I was walking home from work and this older black guy with a cane flagged me down from across the street and asked me to come talk to him. I did. His name was Andre' and he had no front teeth and was drinking a sparks. Was lit because he couldn't get that dopey smile off of his face for a second to actually compose an intelligent thought. The more we talked, the more he eyed me up and down and the worse the subject matter got. Then he said, "Well I'm a freak and I can tell you're a freak and I wanna freak with you" and proceeded to grab me and grope me. It was terrifying and I just thrashed out of his grip and walked home crying. Some guy was painting a house ten feet away and didn't do anything at all. And while tears are running down my face, some fat guy in a minivan rolls by, flicking his tongue in and out at me. I used to be okay with living in this neighborhood. And I still am for the most part, but I can't stand being objectified like this on a daily basis. I just hurt inside because no matter what I do, I still can't gain respect from scumbags because of sex and the media and how distorted their view of women has become.
As soon as the lease is up in this house, I'm going to move over seas. I'm going to start saving now and just get out of here. This country is going to hell. Think about it and come with me.

I've nearly stopped smoking. Three cigarettes in the past couple of days. An accomplishment. I feel the difference. Last nite after practice, James and Adam and I all drove out to pick up a sack from some guy like thirty minutes away. Everyone is dry so whatever. I love it when you haven't smoked in a few days from lack of green and then just inhale the smell of it. I'll never get tired of that scent. Lovely skunky scent. So we drove home, baking the car and dancing to Parliament, swerving around on the high way. I realized that all of my negative emotions and feelings are all in my head and I can alter my mood by just coaxing myself to calm down and enjoy the moment. I felt so good last nite. Better then I have in a very very long time. We came home and I slipped into a smoothie bath and wrote Rachel for a while. Then James stole me away upstairs and we ravaged eachother. He's kissing me and says, "I don't kiss you enough. I'm so sorry," and proceeds to attack me all over. Perfect.

Two more days and then I finally get a day off. Going to fix my french bike and spend it at a park taking pictures.